that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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