Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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