I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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