i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
