My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
