hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dignity is for republicans.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
