I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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