sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
