I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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