i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I supernannyed him into submission
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
