She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
