dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
