"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
