I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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