Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
