i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We have started to decorate penises.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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