Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
