Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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