I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
