tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
