Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
