I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize