ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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