she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
