You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Come see our sink grown plant.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
