The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
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