I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
