I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
