I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
