She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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