My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
