let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
