Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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