Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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