Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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