The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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