I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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