On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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