my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
