You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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