it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
