Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
