after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize