i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
