that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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