I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
