you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
