I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
