Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
