im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
