She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We had sex on a dog bed..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
