My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
