get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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