you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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