Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's the barista slut.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
