Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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