I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
