As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize