ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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