Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
