guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
