Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
