She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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