i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
