How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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