Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
